A Journey Of Endomeriosis And Fertility

We have babies!

2010-12-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

Juliette Kim and Tucker Christian were born on 12/15/10 at 33 weeks gestation. Jules was 4lbs15oz and Tuck was 4lbs5oz. They are stable and in the NICU but not where we want them to be just yet. Their lungs were very immature, so they have a breathing tube in and it doesn't look like it's coming out anytime soon for either of them. Please pray for our babies. I will do my long version of my birth (c section) story when I'm not so pooped.

Tucker Christian (Tuck)

Juliette Kim (Jules)

A trip to Labor and Delivery

2010-12-06T06:28:00.000-08:00

First off, just let me say this. This pregnancy has been "fairly" uneventful and I'm very thankful for that. You have to understand though, that even the smallest things set me off because we tried so hard and went to such great lengths for these babies.
I've had two bleeding scares at the beginning and went in for an u/s each time feeling doomed. Thursday was my second trip to Labor and Delivery. Last time was at about 26 weeks for contractions that were 5 minutes apart for an hour to an hour and a half. By the time I got to L&D they were few and far between.
This time I was having panic attacks or "anxiety attacks" as the nurse was calling them, along with contractions. My blood pressure is borderline high and has been for the past month so they are looking at the possibility of pre-eclampsia, but my urine samples have been clean so that's great. My baseline blood pressure is 120/70-80 and it's been running mid 130's/mid 80's. I had trace protein in my urine, but it was most probably from being dehydrated. My cervix was high, but dilated a fingertip which the OB said was fine, but still makes me worried that these contractions are doing something.
It's too early for babies to make an entrance. They need at least 4-5 more weeks for no NICU time. I do, admittedly stress out way too much, but I can't help myself. It's mostly about the babies and the logistics, some about other things. I've always been quite a worrier. The nurses and OB told me to "just relax" which is easy for them to say.
I put my feet up as much as I can with Ella running around, I hardly ever go to the store anymore (only when we are in desperate need of milk and bread) and Adam has been taking care of a good deal of the housework. Sleep is very hard lately, but I think that's too be expected this late in pregnancy. I do believe though, a lot of my sleep deprivation is not being able to shut my mind down at night. It's when I do the majority of my thinking. So I have started trying to practice "good sleep hygiene" as my OB likes to call it. No tv, word games, or reading in bed. Bed is for sleeping and that's it. It's not working, but I'll keep trying for a while.
Contractions still come about every 5-10 minutes at night and are fairly painful, but my threshold is about 2 hours of that, then I will go back to L&D. The nurses are sooooo nice, so I don't feel uncomfortable going in. Here's to hoping that there are no more trips to the hospital for a while!

30 Weeks 3 days!

2010-11-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Holiday Pictures!

2010-11-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

Ella looks so lovely in anything, but I LOVE this little pea coat. She loved it too and did pretty well posing for pictures! Here is a preview:)

30 Week Appointment

2010-11-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

This blog is getting really boring, I'll admit it. I'll keep this short.

Everything is going well, the babies are measuring 2lbs15oz and 3lbs6oz. They are transverse, so it looks like most likely it will be a C-section for me. Hopefully a miracle will happen and at least Baby A will turn head down:P

I start getting bi-weekly NST's in a few weeks (which is in office monitoring for contractions and heart rate) so we are getting closer to the end.

We are hoping for another 6 weeks, then anything after that is icing on the cake!

26 Week Appointment

2010-11-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

It was another good appointment. It started with an ultrasound where the babies are measuring 1lb 15oz(boy) and 2lbs 3oz(girl). The doctor said that's a good variance and they are measuring right on track! The babies are transverse which is a little disappointing, but they still have time to turn head down.
I talked to the dr. about really wanting a natural birth but she said I may have to come to terms with the fact that a c-section may be the case. I really want to experience a natural birth again and I also don't want the recovery of a c-section because that would mean 6 weeks of not being able to lift Ella.
I am currently measuring 37 weeks for a singleton pregnancy and I can't see getting much bigger, but I know it will be the case. I have my cocoa butter ready for the discomfort that is to come.
My gestational diabetes test is next appointment (totally not looking forward to this). They said that since it's a twin pregnancy I'm a lot more likely to have it. Double the placenta means double the chance that you have it. I guess being diagnosed with it will keep weight gain down to a minimum because of following a GD diet but really, I haven't gained much at all this pregnancy, so I'm wondering what's going to happen.
So now we are down to 2 week appointments. This pregnancy has gone by so fast, but so slow. I'm still allowed to work which is amazing right now. I guess I'm getting a little more rest at work than at home sometimes. The commute stinks though (an hour at least each way) and sitting all day is getting tiring, so I'm not sure how long that will last. If you add up the gas money and day care costs, it's kind of a waste. You can't beat the discount though.
Ella and I are going to go take our nap now. I believe I need one more than she does most of the time, which is unfortunate cause mine gets cut short too many a times:)

26 Weeks! Just a picture!

2010-10-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

Appt is tomorrow! Wish me luck:P

When I lift up my shirt it looks HUGE!!

23 Week Appointment!

2010-10-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to be going really well. I'm exhausted and can't imagine myself getting more uncomfortable and I have at least 14-15 weeks left, so I'm not sure how that's going to pan out! The babies weigh 1lb and 1lb 3oz respectively and they are in about the 50th percentile right now.

Great news is that they are both head down and the u/s tech said that this is about the time when they establish positions for delivery. I know it seems early, but I swear she said that!

The OB is keeping my visits at 4 weeks instead of every 2 like she usually does for twins because it's going so well. I think we should've knocked on wood:)

It's proving to be a lot more challenging caring for a 2 year old everyday, but Ella is a great kid and I couldn't ask for anything more from her. She has her moments, but usually does well during the day, but there are just some things that she can't do for herself like get in her crib or her car seat which are the two most challenging things for me to do for her.

Speaking of Ella Bo, she is almost 100% potty trained. She wakes up dry from her nap and sometimes from overnight, but isn't in a big girl bed yet, so I can't expect her to do any better. No accidents in over 2 weeks. But she still asks for M&M's after. 2 to be exact. Blue and Green:P And yes, she knows when they aren't blue and green. Which is good and bad.

Oddly enough Adam and I haven't purchased much for the babies yet. Actually really haven't done anything to get ready for them. I feel a little guilty, but I have no energy lately, and when I do, it's used on Ella. My mom has done a ton of shopping and we are so grateful for that. Our baby boy is outfitted for next summer because of her generosity. We're not really worried about the girl because we have Ella's old clothes, but they are different sizes, so we are going to try and make it work. I have hit a few clearances at Target and gotten both of the babies a few summer things. Other than that, people have been really generous with donating their old baby clothes to us.

Aaaand I'll stop babbling. Thanks for those of your who are consistently reading the blog and commenting, love the comments, lets me know people are reading:)

Ballet Class and Apple Orchard

2010-09-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted about Ella. She is doing great and talking SO well now. Almost all full sentences. And man is she sassy!! She now has an opinion. About everything. I went up to get her our of her crib last week and her pj's were off. I asked her why they were and she said "I too big for jammies, I don't "yike" them!"....she now refuses not wear those pajamas.
This week was her first week at dance lessons and she, well, she HATED it. I think it was a bit intimidating to her. She got her tap shoes on, had a couple of pictures taken, the teacher marked her spot on the floor with her initial and told her to stand on it and she balled. The whole time. We will probably go next week for one more try, but, really, she may be too young, and that's fine, but she only has so many opportunities to interact with younger children since I'm a SAHM and she doesn't go to daycare.
We also went to the apple orchard this weekend. Ella got stung by a bee in two spots for the first time. At first we thought she was just scared of the bee which is very unlike her cause she loves bugs then Adam found a bee sting on her thumb. Later, her chin got a little puffy and red. So there you have it folks, she got stung and is now PETRIFIED of bees. She heard a plane outside later (I guess it sounded like a bee) and she started shaking and crying. Poor girl. Stupid bee.
Here are some pictures of this weekend!

20 Weeks!! Half way there:)

2010-09-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the bathroom, it needs a complete overhaul:P This is my 20 week pic. I haven't been doing weekly pictures or anything because, quite frankly, I don't think I look pregnant:) Well, until today I didn't.
I'm feeling much better these days, I haven't vomitted in about a week. I am, however haven't serious growing pains and carrying Ella around is getting more difficult.
Feeling the babies move (and knowing which one is moving) is the coolest thing ever. It makes all this sickness and soreness all worth it!!!
My next appointment isn't until the 4th of Oct. I hope I can make it till then to see these babes on u/s!

18 weeks! And the genders are.............

2010-09-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

We are having a BOY AND A GIRL!!!!

So flipping excited and grateful that we are here!!! This is what a secretly wanted even though I would've been happy any which way.

Here is an update at 18 weeks:

Feeling Recently: still very sick, thought I was done getting sick everyday, but yesterday could not keep down a morsel. Not even water.

Food Aversions: Mostly chicken and pork recently, especially if I look at it uncooked. Blah

Cravings: Still seafood. My dad brought home part of a 70 pound tuna from a fishing trip he went on and I just LOVED it!!

Weight gain: Total weight gain has been a total of 2 pounds. Ya, like I said, I'm sick.

What was cool about this week? My anatomy scan was this week and they are doing great, one is measuring quite a bit smaller than the other one, but they are both fine.

Happy Birthday to Ella!!!!

2010-08-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

We had an awesome birthday party for Ella this weekend full of loved ones. She wore a tutu and a smile on her face *almost* the whole time:)

Keeping an eye on those milestones

2010-08-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

It's so much fun watching Ella grow into a child. She's saying almost all complete sentences (leaving out a part of speech here or there) especially when she wants something. Her favorite is "I do it Mumma".
She knows about 8 shapes and 5 or 6 colors on command. We are working on ABC's and counting but she just doesn't seem interested. In fact, sometimes she even says "NO!" when we try to recite them lol. We aren't going to push it since she seems agitated at the time.
Potty training is not going well (I think we missed our opportunity before we headed to Costa Rica) and she'll lay on the floor and ask for her diaper to be put back on if we have it off. It's aggravating, but, again, it's an issue we can't push right now.
We can't believe that her second birthday is coming up. It's amazing how much she's grown from two years ago. Where does the time go? We never forget what a miracle she is.
We'll be celebrating with family and close friends next Sunday on her real birthday. We ask her what she wants for her birthday and she says "cake". Easy enough.
As for things she seems to be excited about: We ask her what's it Mumma's belly and she says every time "2 babies". I ask her what she is going to do with them and she recites back that she is going to give them big hugs and take them to the playground. She gets really excited to go over "Gammy and "Bumps" house to see them and her aunts and uncles. Also, admittedly, we have on occasion taken her to McDonalds (something I thought I wouldn't do until she was 4 or 5) and she always asks for french fries.

In closing, it's so hard to believe that this girl is going to be 2. 2 years of wonderful, happy memories that will last a lifetime. We look forward to all the years to come with her.

13 Weeks And Slacking with Blog Writing.

2010-07-30T17:48:00.000-07:00

Feeling recently: I feel awful, sick all the time, throwing up all the time, and headaches ALL. THE. TIME.
But, I know this is all worth it and hopefully it won't stick around for the whole pregnancy. I want to be able to enjoy this!!

Food Aversions: Yes. HAHA, well, what DOESN'T make me want to blow my cookies? Mostly sweets. But you can't live off sweets, especially when you are pregnant, so I've been settling for popsicles that don't have too much sugar in them and toast with peanut butter (protein, right?), and Ramen. Ramen is getting a little old, I can tell you that.

Cravings: Any seafood, weird, right?

Weight Gain/Loss: Last I knew I had lost about 3 pounds.

What was cool about this week? I had my first trimester scan this week. It was very exciting seeing the babies move around. Everything seems to be very normal (we will know exactly how normal in about 2 weeks) and we got a gender guess! The u/s tech thinks Ella will be getting two new sisters:)

We Ran Out Of Swim Diapers...........

2010-07-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

And a day at the lake wouldn't be complete without diving in......

Let me tell you. That diaper weighed quite a bit.

Hand, Foot, and Mouth

2010-07-09T05:24:00.001-07:00

This little girl was pooped. It was the 4th of July and she was running a temp of 103.9. Hand, Foot, and Mouth ladies and gentlemen. You should've seen the awful blisters she had on her throat. The doctor showed them to me and I almost let loose and cried.
It was a rough holiday weekend between my bleeding scare and Ella's illness.
We are both all better now (with the exception of me violently vomiting every two seconds). I have an OB appointment next Tuesday to hopefully check on the babies' heartbeats, but from what I've heard dopplers are difficult with twin pregnancies. We shall see. Here's to an uneventful weekend!

The Not So Good Day.....

2010-07-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

Last night before I went to bed, I was very crampy. This is not out of the ordinary for this pregnancy, I've been crampy from day one. I took a couple of tylenol and went to bed.
This morning I woke up to blood and cramps. I tried to stay calm until I could call my doctors office. It was the most difficult 45 minutes of my life. I called and they said that they had to wait for a doctor or midwife to come in. I got Ella dressed and ready for my parents house (figuring she was probably going to stay there for the day) and went up and got dressed myself.
9 o'clock rolls around and the midwife calls and asks what's going on. I tell her I've been bleeding for an hour and a half and the cramping is getting pretty intense. She proceeds to say that I can come in for an ultra sound but it won't be able to tell us much because in a couple of days things could be different. I asked her if we would be able to see a subchorionic hematoma if there was one and she said yes. So I told her I wanted an ultrasound. Which I feel she should've just said to come in for in the first place, but what do I know.
There was no SCH The babies appeared to be fine and grew since Tuesday. They are measuring 1 and 2 days ahead of schedule with very strong heartbeats. I'm on restricted activity for a little while because they couldn't find the source of the bleeding and cramping so it could be anything. I'm still bleeding and still cramping.
This is so frustrating, to get this far, and still be unsure of the outcome. I was on cloud 9 on Tuesday when we saw both babies were beautiful and healthy. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated. I will update soon!

We've got some BIG news!!!

2010-06-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

So many of you have followed our journey to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF. We were waiting until it was a little safer to tell people and we are now nine weeks, with...............................

TWINS!!!

This has been a long, incredible journey to be where we are right now. When Ella was 6 months old, we decided to wean her from breastmilk so we could start trying to add to our family. We got pregnant the cycle we started trying just for it to end in a miscarriage at 6.5 weeks.

A year later, we are here, pregnant with twins, and couldn't be happier!!!! Our nine week appointment was today and went very well. Their heartbeats were at a rate of 176 and 182 and they were measuring exactly as they should be!

Our due date is February 2nd, but the OB says 38 is full term for twins, so we are thinking more like January 14th, 2011. We feel so unbelievably blessed to be expecting siblings for Ella! Thanks everyone for your wishes and prayers, we really relied on those to get through IVF in another country.

Please keep the other family who went with us in your prayers that they get pregnant soon, T has gone through Hell and back trying to get some answers.

We will continue to do keep everyone posted on our journey. Watch for updates more frequently now that I let the cat out of the bag!

Sorry I've been MIA

2010-06-08T05:18:00.003-07:00

I'm doing a little revamping to my blog and have been busy with lots of neat things lately. You are gonna want to stick around:) More to come soon!!! For now here are some pictures to hold you over:)

I'm aware my comments aren't working

2010-04-09T11:03:00.003-07:00

Anyone have any clue how to fix them??

In the meantime, I will give an update. Ella is doing GREAT! Still very verbal and loves life. She sucks it in and is FULL of energy.
We had a great Easter where she got spoiled as always. 2 easter baskets and an easter egg hunt later, she was pooped, but not too much because she managed to eat through a bunch of chocolate.
Here she is on Easter day in all her beauty:)
In other news, my Endo seems to be getting worse. I had an SHG a few weeks back where they discovered a polyp, so I had surgery last week to get it out. That was no fun, but I had a great new doc in Portland do it and she was wonderful. Too bad she isn't in the area, she would be my permanent doctor.

I'll try to update a little more often. Again, can anyone help me with why my comments aren't working?? I took all security off from them to try that out and it didn't work.

Thanks!

Felt Playhouse

2010-03-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

We are on Etsy people!!!

Come buy a felt playhouse to benefit our trip to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF!

Check out our new IVF adventure

2010-03-11T11:52:00.002-08:00

It's very unique!!! We are going to Central America to get pregnant!

http://ticoandlupe.blogspot.com

It's that time of year again

2010-03-10T20:12:00.003-08:00

Playground time!

Careful, she's a feisty driver like her mumma!

And the infamous swing.........only this year, she was screaming WEEEEEEEE the whole time!
She didn't want to leave

Making attempts to keep up

2010-03-10T20:02:00.003-08:00

Life gets busy. But I need to keep up with this since I'm not doing so well with Ella's baby book! I need SOMETHING to reference her milestones...
She is now saying things in sentences like "I love mumma" or "I love dadda" and "hi mumma". "Oh no!" is one of her common phrases so is "NO!" We try not to say no very often but it has a natural ring to it, so sometimes it slips.
Temper tantrums are on the rise, but we either ignore or tell her politely what she is doing wrong. We went to the playground today and she wouldn't share one of the driving wheels on the jungle gym, so I had to take her aside while she was screaming and explain to her that she needs to share. It's kind of like talking to a brick wall, but hopefully one day soon, she will understand.
One of the things she does is point her finger at the other kiddies around her playing and says NO! We don't ever point fingers, so that one must be from the short stint she did at daycare. The kid is reaching her terrible twos. It's hard not to laugh sometimes. Really, I turn my face away for seconds on occasion.
Cute things she does (well everything she does is cute, but you get what I'm sayin')
- lays on the floor and says "shhhh, nite nite"
- hugs me and says "love you mumma"(what's better than that?)
-puts the phone up to her ear to say "hi Ky yeeee"(my sister)
- points at people in pictures and says who they are
-says "hungry" when she is hungry
I'm sure there are many more.

I will make an extra effort to post more, I've heard from a few that they really do read this, so it gives me a reason to post!!

I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna see this!

2010-02-04T05:08:00.000-08:00

Ella singing Blues Clues!

Words, Words, and more Words

2010-01-12T17:04:00.003-08:00

16 months is such a fun age. Ella is becoming more aware of her surroundings and interacting with people around her so much more:) She has always been sort of behind physically; she never sat up completely until about 7 months and never walked well until 13.5 months, but MAN can she talk! Here is a list of just SOME of the words she can say, most she has been saying for a couple of months now. She has started putting them together too!

Hi, Bye, Mumma, Daddy, Mommy, uh-oh, "Blues" (for Blues Clues), doggy, kitty, apple, orange, ball, balloon, pretty, gentle, OW OW OW OW (when we are in the middle of the grocery store no less:P), milk, more(and signs it), please (peeease), thank you (and signs it), think (and signs it), book, duck (and quacks), cheese, sock, shoe, nose, belly button, teeth, poop, pee, num num, and many more that I just can't remember.

Ella is also going to daycare now, (just part time) to get her out to socialize with kids her age. So far, it's going well, it has taken some getting used to (she cries when I leave), but at this point, she isn't crying the whole time she is there so thats a plus. She's been sick twice in 4 weeks, but I guess that comes with the territory. In addition to that, we are fighting two ear infections in a row. Hopefully she will feel better soon.

I'll leave you all with a pic of the cute babe who had fallen asleep in my arms at the doctors office.

Holiday Season

2009-12-17T11:49:00.003-08:00

I'm not sure many of you even read my blog anymore since I don't update it often enough to check in a lot. This holiday season has seemed to go by so fast. Ella is growing like a weed, saying all sorts of words now and surprises us with words we don't even know how she learned (nothing profane, I promise;P) I've had so much fun shopping for her this year. I think she will appreciate all her gifts even if she doesn't quite understand.
We're hoping for a baby in 2010. We are praying we are lucky enough to get pregnant that quickly. Ella is going to be such a great big sister. She is so loving and caring to everyone around her. She doesn't hit or pinch, she does voice her opinion, but is not physical. When she sees babies, she gently touches them and says "oooohhh, baby". Not sure if that will change in the future with a little baby brother or sister, but we shall see (hopefully).

Here are some pictures of her Christmas photo shoot!

Ella making farm noises:)

2009-12-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

So we're going ahead with an IUI

2009-12-01T04:38:00.002-08:00

This is our "informed" decision I was babbling about in my last blog entry. I guess it's about the only choice we have left. I'm not feeling very hopeful. The RE thinks it isn't going to work, but is going to humor us. Which means another round of awful Clomid.
It would've been two years ago we found out about Ella at Christmas season. Would we really be lucky enough to find out again? This holiday season is going to be a bit tough. We should've had two babies enjoying Christmas with us, and now I don't feel hopeful that we will ever have two.

On another note, my very dear blogging friend lost her dear dear Wyatt at 18 weeks gestation a couple of weeks ago and I ask that you send good thoughts and prayers her way...

The Holiday Season

2009-11-26T18:44:00.006-08:00

I love the holidays. They are so much fun. They are even more fun with Ella. We enjoyed our Thanksgiving so much!! Family fun, and the first ever Gardiner/Nielsen Triathalon. Kylee won. It consisted of a game of PIG, then Uno, and trivia. Adam hosted and Ella was the mascot. there are some pictures. Oh, and some pictures of Ella getting messy from Thanksgiving Dinner and her bath afterward:)

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

2009-11-19T10:58:00.002-08:00

I've written less and less lately. Need to take more pictures of Ella so that I can post more. This post isn't about Ella. It's about how unfair life is sometimes.

My new RE thinks there isn't much of a chance an IUI will ever work with my "disease". He wants us to jump into IVF. If only money fell out of the sky. Or better yet, insurance would cover it, but it doesn't and life is now unfair. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Ella may very well be an only child. I feel bad for her. Feel bad she may not have someone to play with growing up, no one to share in the joy of Santa coming at Christmas and no one to beat up on when they are playing with her toys.

My adhesion's are now getting worse and worse as time goes on because it's been almost 9 months since we've been pregnant or breastfeeding. We would've had a beautiful baby boy or girl next month. Life is unfair.

November is supposed to be a month where you say how thankful you are, and I am. I'm so very grateful and thankful for other things in my life such as Ella. I'm swimming in a sea of self pity right now and feel like I'm about to drown. I need time to digest what the RE has told me and make an informed decision about what we are going to do since this probably isn't going to happen spontaneously.

There will be pictures of Ella soon, promise.

Yes, I'm a shopper

2009-10-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my mom and my (maternal) grandmother used to shop every other season for school clothes. My mom and grandma were so generous in what they would buy me and looking back on it, I'm so grateful to have had those new clothes to go back to school with. I felt cool and confident in my new kicks every year, or those new name brand jeans and that soft sweatshirt from the Gap.

Silly as it may seem, the highlight of my year was the smell of that Mall when I opened the doors, the newness of each store every year knowing that I had my mom and grandma with me, spending time doing something we all enjoyed doing and how much they enjoyed being with me. I felt like nothing could bother me, it was an escape if I had had a bad week with friends (junior high), or a bad test taking week at school, I just knew that this would make me feel jubilant, like nothing could bring me down.

My point? Ella makes me feel like this everyday. I wake up in the morning (sometimes very early) and think "it's a new day with my beautiful daughter". How lucky am I to have her in my life. She's my new "mall" and even when I'm wearing my WalMart jeans and my hair up in a bun because I just didn't have time to do it that morning, it doesn't matter. Being Ella's mom is like walking into a sweet smelling mall everyday. I hope her and I can continue this tradition with my mom.

Tears- October 15th

2009-10-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Tonight at 7pm people are said to light a candle in remembrance of each loss they have suffered.
I'm crying inside wondering what could have been, but know that friends of mine have suffered far more losses. My heart aches for all of us.

Would you like to see some more pictures of Ella?

2009-10-12T17:14:00.001-07:00

My friend Tracie is GREAT with Photoshop and Ella is a very good model, so I put the two together and this is what I got for ya

ELLA IS CUTE!

Please tell me what you think!

Why is she crying?

2009-10-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Don't let this little girl fool you.

She may have fussed

And may have screamed

She may have the most pitiful face you've ever seen

She really did have a good time at the apple orchard

And Another Cycle Bites the Dust

2009-10-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

3 down, obviously no idea how many to go. You may not want to read on if you are trying for number one right now. I may piss you off.
We are only on the third cycle of trying after our m/c. Yes, it's only the third, but we only have 3 more before we need to make some serious decisions. Decisions that will affect Adam's, Ella's and my life forever. As I look at it right now, I have three options. 1) After cycle 6, line up an IUI (which my doctor has now approved because I have proven that I can have uterine pregnancies, but only gives us like a 3% greater chance of conceiving because it's basically a sperm wash with no injectibles. Just Clomid or Metformin and the IUI. 2) Go back on Lupron Therapy until we can save up enough for IVF or 3) Try and find a job with fertility benefits (this will be the most challenging feat yet.)
Option number 3 leaves me thinking, was I totally crazy to give up my IF benefits with my last job? After all this, actually getting pregnant spontaneously twice, am I going to need that 25 grand that I stupidly gave up?!?! As it is IUI's aren't cheap, but they sure aren't 15 grand a pop.

I'm also a bit tired of having to defend myself when it comes to wanting another child. "At least you have Ella" says the person with 2 or 3 or 4 children. I want to be just as ignorant as the person saying it by exclaiming "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW I'M THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO HAVE HAD ELLA, SHE IS A MIRACLE AND I AM SO THANKFUL FOR HER EVERYDAY!!!", instead of nodding shamelessly. Does infertility mean that you have to change your mind about how many children you would like? ABSOLUTELY NOT! If anything, I want another child to GIVE to Ella. As she grows up I want her to have someone to play and laugh with. I don't want to be seen as being greedy, because I really don't feel like I am.

I'm praying that this is our cycle, mine along with a few other couples who have been trying to successful pregnancies for a while. Cheers to this being our cycle, folks!!!

Ella wants to be in a Baby Gap ad!!

2009-09-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

Can you please help her out?!? You just need to hit vote (on all the pictures) and register. It seriously takes about 60 seconds to register. Adam, Ella, and I would appreciate the votes and if you can forward the link off to everyone you know that would be great! Thanks!

https://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/christakim32/432979764/

https://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/christakim32/392979942/

AND the pain is ON!! And other happenings..

2009-09-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

This morning was the first real day of pain, CD13 and I feel like my stomach is going to explode from all the bloat. I'm breaking out pretty badly, I woke up with a huge cyst under my arm that is fairly painful, not sure if that's from the Clomid too, but it's never happened before.
To add insult to injury, I have to sit at training for 6.5 hours and it's till 11pm, so I'm almost falling asleep in my chair because Ella gets up at 6am, so by the time I get home, I'm really only getting about 6 hours of broken sleep. This week could not end fast enough. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I have to work 5-midnight. I'm going to be no good throughout the day. Ella is such a good toddler, I couldn't ask for better, but I'm sure she could ask for a more awake, playful mommy. Can you tell I'm STRESSED!?! I'm probably crazy to want to add another baby to the mix.

Ella's One Year Stats

2009-09-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

We went to the pedi for Ella's one year well appointment today. She got three shots, none of which were the flu shot because they don't have those in yet. She got her MMR, chickenpox, and Hep B. She was NOT a happy camper. I felt awful as the tears rolled down her face.
In more happy news, Ella is doing great, she is 29.5 inches tall and 20lbs 2oz. She is in the 50th percentile for height and 25th for weight. Our new pedi is wonderful and had no concerns about her weight.
Her eyes were checked again and she saw no cross eyedness whatsoever and told me to just keep an "eye" on it. The doctor said to give her some milk of magnesia to help with her bowel issues that I haven't addressed in this blog, but she has a hard time getting her poops out. It involves a lot of screaming and pain for Ella. I feel so helpless when it happens because there is nothing I can do besides give her a suppository which isn't comfortable for her either.
Adam and I are very thankful and grateful that we have a happy, healthy one year old:)

On Clomid And Fearing The Pain

2009-09-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

Adam and I decided to try a couple of rounds of Clomid before we try more drastic measures in an effort to try for number 2. Haven't really noticed the side effects yet, but I'm also only on day 4 of taking it. Tomorrow is the last day and really, I'm not sure when I'm going to ovulate this cycle because Clomid can make those who ovulate on time (but weak) ovulate later like on CD 17 or 18.
A warning to everyone I know, stay away from me from day 14-18 because the pain is going to be bad, or at least it was last time. ............
I will keep updating with symptoms as they persist!

A Blogger Got Me Thinking

2009-09-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

So one of my blogging friends has gotten pregnant (yay!!!! I'm so excited for her) and she has decided to keep her blog the way it is, about endo and her struggles with it. She is going to make another blog about pregnancy as not to offend or hurt anyone who is having a difficult time getting pregnant. I had put a lot of thought about whether or not I should do that with this blog, not just for that reason, but also because it tends to get confusing about what I'm blogging about. Trying to conceive number 2, endo, and lots about Ella. But what about those people who come to read about endo or just come to read about Ella?? I'm taking a vote and would really like to hear your honest opinion. I'm re-evaluating this situation as we try to conceive number 2 and really really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings especially those having problems with number 1. I would like some honest input!!

Happy Birthday To You!!

2009-09-07T17:02:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures of Ella's first birthday!! We all had a great time:)

Ella's Got Some New PJ's

2009-09-07T16:41:00.001-07:00

Ella is ONE!!!!

2009-09-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

She's not even walking yet....

2009-08-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

And I found her like this after 2 seconds of leaving the room....
Something tells me this parenting thing doesn't get any easier.

A Few More Pics from Camp!

2009-08-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

One Lovely Blog Award

2009-08-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

I was given a Lovely Blogger Award from Kim . This requires that I list the blogs which I think are great!! Here we go, they are all linked so enjoy!
Diana
Kim
Another Kim (the one who have me the award)
My Journey with Endometriosis
Ava
Christina
Pregnant, How did you Do that?
Mrs.Reem
The Hernandez Trio
Alex
Nic
P

2 weeks of pictures and LOTS of milestones

2009-08-08T16:23:00.001-07:00

There are so many things I'd like to write tonight and I hope I remember all of them. Ella has reached many milestones including....

-Her first real word "Uh Oh", followed by "Hi" sometimes, "Num Num" when she wants food and she says "Mumma" and "Dada" whenever we ask her to. She tries to copy almost everything we tell her to say. I think we have one smart cookie on our hands.

-Her first tooth popped through about a week ago. 102.7 temp=a child I thought was very sick. The pedi swore up and down it couldn't just be teething. It was just teething. She was so cuddly though. She fell asleep on me at least twice that day. Poor baby.

-She's been cruising the furniture for about 2 weeks now. She is *almost* walking. She has finally taken to crawling like a champ. Before that she was dragging herself 100 miles an hour.

-I guess this isn't really a new milestone, but she has been clapping and "dancing" to childrens music. She LOVES it. It's the only way to calm her down in the car on long car trips.

-She continues to eat almost everything you give her except for potatoes. I don't think that's a big deal, there isn't all that many nutrients in potatoes.

Ella is such a good baby, well now, almost toddler. I sent her birthday invitations out today. It's so sad to know that she isn't a baby anymore. But I'm so happy she is the happy, healthy, beautiful little girl I always dreamed I would have. I can't believe she has been in our lives for a whole year now. People always say it and I never believed it would go by so fast.

A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to York (Where Adam and I were happily wed) to visit a couple of very special people. Two women from my Success After Infertility board and their miracle babies. 3 miracles in such a close vicinity. What a happy day. It was so nice to meet P and D and their beautiful babies Ginny and Kacey. Here are some pictures of the day. It was so beautiful and P's place is right on the water.
Kacey feeding Ella crackers. She's so generous.

It wasn't easy getting a group photo. This is Kacey being very helpful again!

In other news, my parents had a great camp for the week and Adam, Ella, and I enjoyed so much being out there everyday. Last year, I was out there 8.5 months pregnant, swimming weightlessly praying for Ella to come out and this year here she is!! She didn't like the water very much, but we tried as much as we could to get her some exposure to the water.
This is Ella giving Mumma some attitude. I should probably get used to it.

And to end this post. The infamous first tooth picture that was pure torture for baby and Mumma to get.

Attention All Lurkers

2009-07-23T07:38:00.001-07:00

Ella would like YOU to come out of lurkism!!! Please comment and tell me what you think about updates about Ella, my endometriosis and what you would like to see more of! I know there are lots of you out there and we LOVE to hear comments:)

2009-07-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

Instead of "Not ME" Monday this week, Mckmama is hosting "Not MY CHILD" Monday. It is a chance to tell stories about the embarrassing or naughty things your child has done at inappropriate times.

My child is only but 11 months old and has yet to really embarrass me. She DOES however have the bad habit of NOT pulling down mommy's shirt when she wants to climb to a standing position. Luckily we were at home, but yesterday she did NOT pull the whole top down.

Just today, Ella did NOT climb up on the tv stand when mumma wasn't looking and lick the tv, then did NOT proceed to take one of her hair elastics, stick it in her mouth and chew it until mumma figured out that she had something she wasn't supposed to.

Geez, if she can accomplish all that in one week at 11 months, I wonder how much damage she is going to be able to do in the future. I can't wait to see!!

My new Etsy store!

2009-07-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

Please check out my new Etsy store! It'll have many more products as I get going!

CharmedJewels

"Not Me! Monday"

2009-07-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

As people have read in my preceding post, Ella has been teething! This Not Me! Monday I'd like to take the chance to show you what I DID NOT let Ella take a nap in this morning. It IS NOT a pile of her teething drool from last night. What kind of mom would I be if I let my child sleep in her own drool?!? And guess what?!? She may even NOT nap in it this afternoon!

We've got teeth!

2009-07-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, folks, Ella is almost 11 months old and ALMOST has two teeth. I imagine by morning they will be poking all the way through. Miss Ella was not afraid to let us (and the neighbors) know that she is teething. The minute we felt her teeth, we gave her some tylenol. She was rubbing her ears all day, and also her eyes, so we figured it was pooping her out. Well, BIG mistake. Everytime we tried to put her down in her crib, she would WAIL! Finally, I gave her some cherry Orajel and she put her blanket over her head and went to sleep. For an hour. One nap all day=7 O'clock bedtime for baby Ella. I'll try to get some pictures tomorrow, but her huge tongue always gets in the way.

She's a swingin' and a wavin'

2009-07-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

This is Ella's new favorite thing to do. Swing and wave at the same time!

On the #2 baby front....

2009-07-09T18:25:00.001-07:00

Adam and I are still benched when it comes to makin' babies. We benched ourselves to recuperate from our recent loss.
Good news is, I finish my last packet of birth control pills at the end of this month. From there, we are hoping that nature will help us out again this time and there will be no need for medical intervention. We will try unmedicated for 3 months, but knowing that we have underlying issues, will probably jump on the Clomid wagon on the fourth cycle.
My message to Clomid:Ahhh, Clomid, how I LOOOOOOOOOATH you. You nasty, make me feel nauseous, crampy, bloated, wanting to reach my arms down my throat and pull my ovary out and throw it into the woods piece of trash that you are. But you could help get me pregnant, and for that I am grateful. Still think you had something to do with Ella being conceived even though I took you the cycle before.
Nevertheless, here's to jumping back on the wagon!!!

Oh the tricks she has learned

2009-07-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

Ella has recently learned to do many things. She can now clap, hold her bottle, fish kiss, wave and say hi (I believe discriminately), Mumma (indiscriminately), and lastly, she has severe attachment issues with Mumma. I leave the room and OH MAN, do I pay the price. This means not getting housework done and when I do, I do it with her crying in her playpen 15 minutes at a time. I hope she outgrows that soon. How could I ever get upset though, looking into those big blue eyes......nah, I can't ;)

YAY BABYCAKES!!

Patriotic Babycakes.

2009-07-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

Our 4th of July was very rainy, so we opted out of going to the parade and fair this year. The fireworks still happened, but were too late for Ella to stay out. We figured she would be crankier than normal if she stayed up that late and then heard loud, scary booms. We did, however, have a bbq at my parents house. Ella enjoyed some homemade macaroni salad with noodles, peas, eggs, and tuna. I have yet to find a food this girl doesn't love. She is a bottomless pit when it comes to tablefoods. Her absolute favorite is any type of fruit. Her and I shared an apple today and, man, did she get CRANKY if I didn't shovel it in fast enough. If only I could get Adam to eat like her. But I digress. Here are some pictures of this sweet, patriotic, baby, thanks to Grandma Pat and Grandaddy Jann.

"Not Me" Monday!

2009-07-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

"Not Me" Monday has a new look. Pretty cool, huh?
This past week has been rainy, very rainy. No going outside and playing, or swimming in the baby pool (not that Ella would allow that)so we have been playing inside with toys, trying to accomplish some cleaning and of course, watching tv. Yes, this past week, I certainly did NOT let my darling child sit this close to the tv, because that would be very bad for her.

Not Me Monday!

2009-06-29T09:10:00.001-07:00

Good Monday All!!!! This is my official LAST COUPLE OF DAYS OF WORK!!! After working my last 7 day stretch ever I have NOT quit my job. I will not be going to school to become a CNA and eventually an RN. I am not more excited about this than *almost* anything else I have ever been excited about in my life! I do NOT get to be a SAHM for about 2 months before I start classes. I will not be taking Ella to the park and baby pool and Grandmas house during the day. I will not be getting projects done that I had no time to do before.

This not me Monday is brought to you by a picture of Ella in her earlier days rooting the Red Sox on. We have NOT already made her a Sox fan!

Beach Bum!

2009-06-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

I took Ella outside to swim today. It was in one of those baby pools that have about 2 inches of water to "swim" in. Yah, she didn't like it......

She was quite content sunbathing with her bottle after. Don't worry, she is lathered with SPF 50.

Not me Monday

2009-06-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted since last Monday, as you can see when you look at my page. My "Not me Monday" consists of not taking pictures of Ella half nude. Ella will not kill me 15 years from now when she sees these.

"Not Me Mondays"

2009-06-15T19:01:00.001-07:00

I've have not found this wonderful blog called "My Charming Kids" and I have not been totally obsessed with updating myself on "MckMama's" life raising her four beautiful children including one child named Stellan who can use our prayers.

She does a posting on Mondays called "Not Me" Mondays where you post things you don't usually admit to doing unless caught in the act.

This week, I would like to share that I "did not" feed my 9 month old a nutri grain bar in a desperate attempt to get her to behave on our plane ride to Pittsburgh this weekend. I "did not" let her laundry that she peed in sit in our suitcase overnight and "did not" not take ANY pictures of her this weekend.

I will be doing this every Monday I hope! So stay tuned!

Exhausted to say the least

2009-06-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Adam and I are feeling completely exhausted lately with Ella waking up at 5am now. She used to have a bottle and go right back to sleep, but she either cries or talks to herself (which we can hear from our bedroom) after we put her back to bed. When she cries, I get up with her for the day, if she's talking to herself, I try and go back to sleep. Adam has to get up for work by 6:15am anyhow, so he is just plain exhausted with me.
I was doing a bit better with the loss of our most recent baby, but I think it's catching up to me and every day I wish I were still pregnant. I would've been in the safe zone at this point and that's hard to think about. I was watching an episode of the Duggars (18 and Counting) where Anna Duggar (the oldest's Duggars wife) was going for one of her first maternity check ups and I felt a twinge of jealousy. I'm jealous of a Duggar?
Yes, I know, I have experienced it before, but in my head, I keep thinking about the "would've beens and should've beens. I don't care what anyone says, early losses are very hard. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that this baby didn't survive for one reason or the other. I keep racking my brain on what I could've done differently. I know it wasn't my fault because I would never have done anything intentionally, but I'm one of those types who needs a reason. The doctor says you usually have to have 3 losses for them to take the baby and test it. I'm not sure I could stand another one without knowing.
Next time we get pregnant, I am taking every precaution I can. The doctor says that I can start progesterone supplements as well as taking betas (which they would've done anyhow) to make sure my progesterone level is high enough to sustain a pregnancy. He said there is no harm in doing this. Then, in the back of my head, I worry about weak ovulation (which I have had in the past), even on Clomid, my P4 levels were 7.4. I asked him if Clomid were an option and he said yes, but you are at a greater chance of miscarriage while on it. I'll opt out of that for a few months, thank you.
I guess exhaustion can do many things to your head. I'm hoping to catch up on my sleep soon, hopefully it will get my head out of the clouds and put my feet back on the ground where they belong.

Another play date with Austin

2009-06-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Growing like a weed!

2009-05-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Ella continues to grow up (obviously)and seems to be progressing rapidly with her physical movement. Although she isn't crawling, she is pulling herself up to a standing position and *almost* walking. She's always been very strong with her legs, since day one wanting to stand up.
We had her 9 month check up this week. She is 27.25 inches and 17.4 pounds. 50th percentile for height and 25th for weight. She isn't quite where she needs to be for weight, so the pediatrician suggested feeding her table food. While we won't feed her everything, it's been funny watching her try new things. On that list of new foods is Kiwi, watermelon, cantaloupe, pasta, hummus, egg whites which were hard boiled (not yolks of course), cheerios, baby puffs, and we even gave her a taste of a pickle that she for sure didn't want to let go of. The only things she didn't seem to take to very well are the egg whites and pasta. We will keep working on pasta because it's quick and easy.
Ella also needs to take a visit to the eye doctor because one of her eyes appears to be a bit lazy. The ped said that it's probably going to just correct itself, but just in case, we should go to the eye doctor for an appointment. Better safe than sorry.
Only two pictures this week because my camera upload thingy isn't working and I had to upload a different, slower way. These pictures are of her standing by herself and her first taste of hummus and wheat wrap!

Some happy pictures:)

2009-05-21T09:09:00.001-07:00

Haven't done this in a while, so here are some pics!

5 days post-op

2009-05-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty miserable, I'm not going to lie. Dealing with all the physical and mental aspects at the same time is difficult to say the least. I have lots of discomfort in my digestive area and pain near my ribs where my gallbladder used to be and funnily (not really) on the other side too. I can't eat much or I feel overly full.
The D+E part of the surgery just left me with an empty feeling that I can't describe. The physical pain of it is minimal in comparison.
Adam has been SO great about taking care of everything around here with Ella and housework. Today was the first day he went back to work and it's been hard, Ella is such a good baby, but even good babies have rough times during the day and physically I just can't keep up with her right now, luckily, my mom is coming at 3 after she gets out of work and is taking Ella until Adam can pick her up after work.
I'm going to call the doctor today and ask him if the physical pain I'm feeling is normal because it sure doesn't feel like it. I've had laps before and the pain is not like this. It's a different body part, so maybe that's it.
Tomorrow is a new day....

Trying hard to stay positive

2009-05-14T13:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was surgery. Waking up from the procedure was the most pain I've ever felt. Knowing that I had just lost a baby and had my gallbladder out at the same time, my whole body was in so much pain I couldn't move.
Right now, I can't even explain how depressed I am about the whole thing. There are no words to express the mental anguish I had over this surgery. I didn't want the baby physically "vacuumed" from my body. At this point, I didn't have an option though. The doctor said I was risking infection and this was the best time. What I had done was a D&E. A D&E is a vacuuming of whatever is inside your uterus. It is the same controversial procedure as an abortion, but as the doctor explained to me, it IS NOT an abortion. Just let me make this clear because it's something I was really struggling with and part of why I didn't want the procedure done. We knew 110% that this baby was not going to survive and that there was no growth. He said that an abortion is when there is some sort of chance that the baby is healthy and going to survive.
A D&C is what some people do when the baby has partially passed, but the rest needs to be scraped from the lining. I couldn't consider this procedure because I still had everything in me including the sac and the fetal pole, but it was still measuring 6w3d at about 9 or 10 weeks gestation.
I guess to some extent this will provide some closure for Adam and I, but for right now, I just feel empty and miserable. I know this feeling will get better, as for now, I'm taking it one hour at a time.
Thank goodness Adam was ok'ed to take as much time off from work as he needed to. His place of work is very understanding when it comes to helping family out in times of need. I'm not allowed to pick Ella up right now because of my gallbladder so I don't know what I would do without him and his support. I couldn't ask for more. My mom has also been there by my side as much as she can be too. The girls on the baby board I frequent are helping me so much, without their support, this would be very difficult. Of course I get my strength from Ella, I try to be happier for her.
Regardless of what other people say (even if they are just trying to be supportive), this isn't about getting pregnant again, about "God's Way" of telling us something, or what was "meant to be", this is about losing a baby that I was once pregnant with.
I hope that future posts are more uplifting than this one, but for right now, I'm trying to heal from the mental and physical pain I am feeling. Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive, I couldn't do it without you.

A very bad week

2009-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

As everyone who reads my blog knows, Adam and I have been trying to conceive again. Well, we were lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try. Something I never thought in my wildest dreams would happen. We found out on April 2nd and didn't want to tell everyone until we were out of the woods.
Looking, back, it was stupid that I didn't post it on this blog. After all, that's what this blog is about. Fertility.
Last week we went to what was supposed to be my 8 week u/s and there was no longer a heartbeat. We are devastated. This is something that happens to everyone else, not us. So I am currently waiting to miscarry by choice. I could get a D&C, but there are two reasons I'm not going to do that right now. There is about a .05% chance that the baby is viable. Although not a very good chance, I don't want to think about the what ifs. We have a follow up u/s tomorrow and if the baby hasn't grown, I will think about a D&C. The other reason I am not going that route right now is to have some kind of closure.
I will update soon.

A Day in The Park

2009-04-27T10:16:00.001-07:00

Ella had her first trip to the park this past Sunday. She loves to swing in the baby swing. She had fun on the tire swing with her Aunt Carrie!
Like her Mommy and Daddy, she is as pale as can be, so we lathered her with SPF 60 sunscreen and put a bonnet (a cute one I might add) on her to keep the sun out of her sensitive little face.
We will be taking many more trips to the park.

Baptism weekend!

2009-04-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

Our family is so blessed to have taken place in such a wonderful celebration of Ella being baptized! Ella was beautiful (as always) in her baptism gown made from Mommy's wedding gown!
Grandma and Grandaddy came to visit this weekend as well as Aunt Carrie and Uncle Bill. We enjoyed having them here for the celebration.
Ella brings so much joy into everyone's life!

This is just about one of the funniest things you'll ever see.

2009-04-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

Ella laughing really hard from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

Easter Fun!

2009-04-15T18:27:00.001-07:00

We all had a great Easter, and we hope you and your family did too! Ella got TWO Easter baskets! Not really a surprise though. We (the Easter Bunny) got her a bunch of necessities in a basket like tights, socks, babyfood, etc. My mom and Dad got her a shovel and pail as a bucket with an outfit, a toy, and a big girl sippy cup that she is going to start using soon! We can't wait to use the shovel and pail this summer at the beach. We did an Easter Egg hunt and I had a very hard time finding my color egg because I'm not so good at that type of thing. Adam found all of his no problem. Ella watched with amusement. All in all, Easter was SO fun! Ella, of course looked beautiful in her dress.

Sorry, some of these pictures got cut off in the process of downloading.

Some photos by Daddy

2009-04-11T20:21:00.001-07:00

Me and my ducky robe

2009-04-08T18:03:00.001-07:00

This is me after my bath all nice and clean!!! I don't scream after my bath anymore!

Happy Easter Everyone!

2009-04-08T17:58:00.000-07:00

I got dressed up in my Easter suit to show everyone how cute I am. If you look real close, I have bunny ears.

Updates on Ella!

2009-03-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Ella is now a little over 7 months old and SO much fun! She's sitting up very well for long periods of time and learning how to play with "sit up" toys now.
She's been babbling to herself for the last couple of weeks and it's so funny to hear her. Ella has become very alert and turns around to the sound of pretty much anyone's voice. She's very interested in busy situations, taking it all in, enjoying company. She HATES being bored, like her Mommy.

I never gave her 6 month "well appointment" stats, so here they are. She's about 50th percentile, maybe a little small at 26 inches and 15.8 pounds. She's in 6 month clothes, so I've begrudgingly packed all her 3 month clothes away.

Here she is in her horsey!

Bouncy Time! from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

AND other pictures!

Pain through ovulation

2009-03-23T11:10:00.001-07:00

I should've known that my first cycle ovulating would be painful. I was in bed all day and couldn't get up because the pain was running up one side of my body and down the other on Friday. This was on day 19, which is very late, so I'm not sure what this means. I really think a cyst popped at the same time because that's what it felt like. I'm positive I at least ovulated this cycle after taking many OPK's to find out. Any late ovulaters out there?

Daddy's Photos

2009-03-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

On the weekends Daddy and Ella have "Baby and Daddy time". Adam takes so many pictures of her. He is so artsy and takes the most pristine pictures of Ella and then sends them to me at work so that I don't miss her too much! That's why I love him:)

Back on the wagon

2009-03-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

Well, if you read my blog enough, you know that we are "back on the wagon", or trying again.

And I'm petrified. It seems as if I want it more this time than last time. Part of me thinks it's because I know what I'd be missing out on if I didn't get to experience this again. The other part of me doesn't want to think it's because of that; it's unfair to those who haven't even had one child because of infertility. So many feelings going on inside my head. I have guilt for feeling this way at all, empathy for those who struggle to become pregnant.
I'm upset because part of me feels like I should be happy enough with having Ella who I love and cherish. Is this greed or is this something infertility causes in the first place? No one should have to feel guilty for wanting more children, but I do.
Adam and I have struggled far less than a lot of infertile couples, but it plays such a huge role in our lives. I feel myself getting back into that thought process of "when do I ovulate?", "when's a good time to do "BD"", "I'm dreading having my period because I know it means it didn't work again", "do I go on clomid or wait it out". It's like my life revolves around infertility.
I just thought I would share. I'm sorry if it upsets some people who read my blog and are currently trying for their first. My words are not meant to downplay any current or past struggles others have had. Nobody should have to deal with this situation.

I have hair!!!!

2009-03-12T10:14:00.001-07:00

Look at my pigtails everyone!

Auntie KyKy

2009-03-10T18:43:00.001-07:00

So Ella has the best aunties in the world and Kylee Morgan is one of them. She is my youngest sister and SO thoughtful. She made this collage of pictures and it looks so cool!

Adventures in weaning

2009-03-08T17:46:00.001-07:00

Let me start by saying weaning is not fun. Neither Ella nor I were mentally or physically ready for us to wean from the breast, but Ella will thank me someday when she has a little brother or sister.
The doctor told us weaning was our best option since there is only about a 1-2% chance that you can get pregnant while avidly breastfeeding, and yes, we are trying again. Although it breaks my heart to stop breastfeeding, we would like to complete our family.
Weaning hurts. When you exclusively breastfeed for 6 months, you build up a supply such that your boobs swell with milk if you don't use the supply. I'm suffering with clogged ducts, lumps and aches. Along with that comes the mental anguish because I have that great bond with Ella from feeding her, giving her a bottle is getting a little easier but still makes me sad.
I will be happy once we get pregnant. We will try for 6 months then do IVF if needed (hopefully not). Wish us luck!

Giggling with Daddy!

2009-03-07T18:57:00.000-08:00

Today I had to work, but not to worry, Daddy to the rescue. And that he is! He is so wonderful with Ella, I never ever worry about Ella when she is with Daddy! Here is a video of them having fun together.

Giggling with daddy! from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

Ella is THE rockstar!!

2009-03-05T12:57:00.000-08:00

We hope that Ella will like music as much as we enjoy it!!

Rockstar! from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

First tu tu

2009-03-03T10:27:00.001-08:00

I can't wait for Ella to take ballet lessons one day. For now, she can just play the part.

Some pictures!

2009-03-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

It's"Yellow Shirt Day" to raise awareness for endometriosis!

Here are Ella and I in our yellow shirts:)

National Wear Yellow Shirt Day

2009-03-01T18:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow March 2nd, is "National Yellow Shirt Day", in hopes that people will wear yellow to raise awareness about Endometriosis and the affect it has on so many people. I hope everyone who reads my blog will find a yellow shirt to wear!

Gotta get these shots in

2009-03-01T18:46:00.000-08:00

Isn't she precious!!!

Lidocaine/Numbing shot

2009-02-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

Went to the doctors yesterday for a numbing shot for the nerves/muscles around my right ovary. It was one of the worst decisions I have ever made. My pain has intensified and gone up the right side of my body. In addition to the normal ovarian pain, I feel like I've been bruised all the way up towards my ribs. When I was on the table receiving the injection, I had a severe muscle spasm around the area, so the doc put me on muscle relaxants also. I'm so sick of meds, I'm so tired of not having answers. I just want my pain to go away. For good. I'm fed up.

Endometriosis Awareness Month

2009-02-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. I am going to make a good faith effort to wear something yellow every day of the month. This year my goal is to make at least 100 more people aware of this illness, letting them all know that even though it's not something you can visually relate to, it's a disease that hurts. We as endo patients need to be strong and let others know that we are being proactive about the disease. Although I wish that I never had to battle with this and the pain that comes along with it, I'm proud to say that I've survived it, having had 3 laps, pain meds, horrible cycles and suffered through infertility. I'm strong and proud of it! Anyone who has to deal with this illness should be proud of themselves. And in March we celebrate this!

I think this is the most precious thing in the world

2009-02-25T18:04:00.000-08:00

Giggling Ella from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

Endo Post

2009-02-23T18:44:00.001-08:00

I know a lot of endometriosis patients read my blog. I need to know or get a general consensus from you girls if you feel the same way about me on this subject. I feel a lot of times that it's hard to be sick or have some other ailment because I complain so much about hurting from my endo. Like I'm whining or something. For example, if I have a sore throat I feel sometimes that people think I'm just a complainer anyway because I have chronic pain that I talk about frequently. I'm sure that other people with chronic ailments feel that way, but I needed to know that I'm not the only one. I guess that's it, nothing interesting, just wanted to gather opinions!

Ella eats solids for the first time!

2009-02-22T16:03:00.001-08:00

Today is Ella's six month birthday. As of today she had only had breast milk and a couple of bottles of formula (trying to wean from breast milk unsuccessfully). We tried rice food in the past like the pediatrician recommended and she hated it. I think she liked the squash, but you can see for yourself.

Ella eating solids for the first time from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

Exersaucer for Ella:)

2009-02-16T10:09:00.000-08:00

This is Ella's new favorite device....it's called an exersaucer! She loves to put all the toys in her mouth. She is also learning to jump up and down in it really fast. Adam and I love to watch her explore.

Exersaucer for Ella from Adam Nielsen on Vimeo.

Ella Bo Bella

2009-02-10T20:44:00.001-08:00

Ella is 5.5 months now and is laughing so much more and has SO much personality. She is moody (she gets that from her mom), but most of the time she is happy. She is almost sitting up, she is very wobbly when she does it and only stays up for about 10 seconds, but enough time to get some good pictures. She is growing very long, fast, so she is now outgrowing some of her 3 month clothing and slowly going to her 6 months clothes.
Ella is getting smarter and now touches my face and opens her mouth to kiss my face after I pick her up so that I feel too bad to put her back down. She is still enjoying her daddy time at night while mommy is at work, although she now thinks this is sleep time. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, we think she has her days and nights messed up. She doesn't like to sleep at night which makes for a rough day for mommy and daddy.
In two weeks, she will be six months and we will be feeding her her first solid foods! Squash will come first along with some other vegetables like carrots and peas. Hopefully this will help her sleep through the night.

As always, here are some updated pictures.

Ella's first 3-D Experience

2009-02-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

These are shots from the awful 3-d commercials from the Superbowl. Good thing the glasses were handouts, otherwise, we would've asked for our money back.

It's been two days since my lap.

2009-01-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

I felt pretty good when I got up yesterday. I was very surprised (happily surprised), but I should've knocked on wood because the misery started last night. My stomach feels like it's going to pop at any minute because I'm so bloated and the gas in my shoulder hurts like someone is going to rip my arm off any minute. To top it off, I'm getting sick with a sore throat and so is Adam.
Dr. G told my Mom and Adam that everything looked ok (he was impressed at what being pregnant with Ella did to my uterus), but that he took a cyst off my right ovary and separated some endo from various parts of my body and my right ovary, so that's probably where the pain was originating from.
I can feel where the doctor burned inside especially if I hit that part of my body up against something. OUCH!
Ella has been so good, it's almost as if she knows that she needs to be good for mumma right now. It does help that she is taking more regular naps now. She slept last night from 10-1, 1:15-4 then 4:30-9, so that wasn't too bad.
Hopefully things are looking up when I post next.

A photo shoot day

2009-01-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

Not about Endo or Ella

2009-01-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

I had to type this out;) I was watching a "True Hollywood story" for Rachel Ray. I'm not a die hard fan, there is just nothing else on at noon and Ella was napping, so I took advantage of my time. But there was a snippet at the end of the special that showed an "anti-Rachel Ray" snoot on film. They gave her a whole 5 minutes to talk abut herself and her website and about how much she hates Rachel Ray. Her website is called "Rachel Ray Sucks". Now call me crazy, but if you have nothing better to do than develop a website (that undoubtedly gets boring and monotonous) about how you hate Rachel Ray, then you are a jealous person and you need to get a life. I encourage everyone to tell this woman this. Her website is "Jealous Girl". Feel free to flame the lady. She is quite obsessive.