Haven't blogged in a while

I had to get this out tonight though. Our beloved cat of 5 years died today. We had to put him down due to heart failure. It was the second hardest thing we have ever had to do next to burying my grandparents. I think that God takes the good ones early. He knows that they are too good for this earth. It's so sad to think that we will never come home to his meow again, never fall asleep next to his purring, and will never see his shiny, orange coat again. We loved him more than life itself. He hung on as long as he could for us, trying to be strong, but there was only so much he and we could do. They say a loss of a pet is hard, but we didn't know it was going to be this difficult. This has been a day full of crying, praying and sorrow. MacGyver changed our lives dramatically, he helped us through difficult times and made us laugh until our faces hurt. There are no words to describe what this cat meant to us. Our "little man" is in heaven looking down on us, making sure to keep us safe. We'll post some pics when I'm on our other computer.

I wish I could fly

And leave this place sometimes, I'm full of disappointment and regret. I came off my lupron thinking that maybe, just maybe this was our time to make a baby. Another BFN (Big Fat Negative) today. AF is around the corner lurking her ugly head, taunting me.
I ran into a friend at the bank today. She just had a baby...she is 2 months pregnant with another now. I really am happy for her because she is happy. But how can I be truly happy for someone if I have doubts if i can ever have a child myself.
Then I get an invite to a baby shower today. It's like the whole world knows the day I test.
I am now wondering if it was the smartest thing in the world to come off lupron therapy before I do IVF....I know that I shouldn't regret because at the time I thought it was a good idea.
I'm so ready to be a mom.
I didn't get the promotion I applied for because the girl who originally had the job took it back. I feel like I'm at a dead end there. I can't wait to get my degree and become a nurse. I know that I have a true calling to become a neonatal nurse and help premature babies, babies who are sick and need extra care, and their parents.
Something has to go right soon, something...