Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

I've written less and less lately. Need to take more pictures of Ella so that I can post more. This post isn't about Ella. It's about how unfair life is sometimes.

My new RE thinks there isn't much of a chance an IUI will ever work with my "disease". He wants us to jump into IVF. If only money fell out of the sky. Or better yet, insurance would cover it, but it doesn't and life is now unfair. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Ella may very well be an only child. I feel bad for her. Feel bad she may not have someone to play with growing up, no one to share in the joy of Santa coming at Christmas and no one to beat up on when they are playing with her toys.

My adhesion's are now getting worse and worse as time goes on because it's been almost 9 months since we've been pregnant or breastfeeding. We would've had a beautiful baby boy or girl next month. Life is unfair.

November is supposed to be a month where you say how thankful you are, and I am. I'm so very grateful and thankful for other things in my life such as Ella. I'm swimming in a sea of self pity right now and feel like I'm about to drown. I need time to digest what the RE has told me and make an informed decision about what we are going to do since this probably isn't going to happen spontaneously.

There will be pictures of Ella soon, promise.

1 comment:

Ava said...

I'm so sorry Christa!
Please don't loose hope, sometimes life really surprises you.