Thursday, January 31, 2008
I remember laying in bed crying. The tears just streamed down my face and I didn't know what to say.
It was the day after my first laproscopy. They had to go in and remove a 10cm tumor from my right ovary.
What I did not know at this point was that it was full of endometriosis. And so was my uterus.
My husband had been acting very odd that day and the night before (from what I could remember), so I asked him
what was going on. "The doctor said that you probably didn't know what was going on after surgery, and that he
didn't want to have to tell you when you were all drugged up. You have severe stage IV endometriosis. The tumor
was filled with it and he couldn't get all of it out. This could mean that it could be very difficult to conceive
a child. He wants you to go on something called Lupron Therapy for 6 months to help suppress the endo until you
are ready to conceive."
All I can remember thinking is "ready to conceive?!!?" I hadn't finished college up yet and I was barely 24 years
old. My husband and I weren't in a place that we were even close to ready to have a baby. We needed to work on us
before that happened. This felt like the end for me. It had been my lifelong dream to have children. I knew that
I would make such a good mother.
I went on the Lupron Therapy as advised by my doctor. 4 months of hot flashes, headaches, mood swings, and weight
gain later, I had an appointment with the doctor. My endo pains had mostly subsided because I wasn't getting my cycle
anymore. The one nagging pain was in my right ovary where the tumor had been. It was AWFUL pain. The doctor
recommended another lap and I had to come to terms with the fact that he might have to take my right ovary out.
My second lap was in April of 2007. My doctor did a partial ooectomy of my right side and rebuilt the tube on my
left side saying that it was unlikely that the tube would stay in it's place long. My bowel was connected to my
left ovary which wasn't surprising because I had awful issues with my bowel movements. He gave me devastating news
after this. "You have about a 15% chance of conceiving naturally in your condition, if you are ready to try, I would
go straight to in vitro fertilization."
I had no insurance coverage for this. 15,000$ out of pocket was not feasible for us on our income. We decided at
this point that I would finish up the lupron therapy, then start trying for 6 months. I found out within the next
couple of months that IVF was covered through my company. I could sign up for the insurance in January of 08'.
I was ecstatic! So we decided to try for the months leading up to IVF. I had tried clomid for a month in November
just to give us a little extra boost. It gave me mood swings, I was throwing up and very bloated and crampy. So
in December, in order to enjoy our holidays, we took time off from all medical intervention. No timed intercourse
no temping, no laying down with my butt up in the air hoping the sperm would float to the right place.
December 29th, 2007 I still hadn't gotten my period yet. I thought it was strange because I felt like I was going
to, but it never came. I had to decide if I really wanted to test or not. "Do I really want another let down,
do I really want to see another stark white pregnancy test?" Against my husband's wishes, I went to Walmart at 11pm.
I got a pack of two pregnancy tests. I got back and went to the bathroom, peed on the stick and set it down. Before
I could even set it down, both lines came up at the same time! It was so surreal. I was like "maybe I'm not reading
the directions right" but I knew in my heart that it was positive! I shrieked. I balled like a little kid. I ran
out and got Adam and yelled "It's positive!" He couldn't believe it either. We were both in disbelief and shock.
About 4-6 weeks before we were going to start our IVF cycle, a miracle happened. We had taken the month off from
everything and when we least expected it, we were pregnant with our miracle baby. I'm 9 weeks pregnant now and aside
from morning sickness, I feel great! It just goes to show that nobody can tell you what your body is going to do.
Nobody can play God. They can take an educated guess as to what your chances are, but there is ALWAYS hope. We are
so grateful to this day for our little miracle baby.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope, my middle name is my mom's first name though
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this morning
3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Most of the time
4.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? please don't ask me this right now
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one on the way :)
6.IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yep! I'm a good friend!
7.DO YOU USE SARCASM? yes
8.DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9.WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No
10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honey nut cheerios
11.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No
12.DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? sometimes
13.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? right now, just plain vanilla
14.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Smile and attitude
15.RED OR PINK? pink
16.WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? negativity
17.WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandparents
18.DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? nope, but it would be fun finding out more about people
19.WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? black sweats and a sweatshirt, and I'm still freezing
20.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? chicken parm sandwich, it's stayed down for now
21.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the tv
22.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? brown
23.FAVORITE SMELLS? spring
24.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Adam
25.DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?nobody sent it to me
26.FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? hockey!
27.HAIR COLOR? dark brown with red highlights at the moment
29.DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope
30.FAVORITE FOOD?none right now, food is gross, ask me in ten minutes
31.SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy
32.LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Juno
33.WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? baby blue
34.SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
35.Hugs or kisses? Hugs
36.FAVORITE DESSERT? NOTHING, NO MORE FOOD QUESTIONS
37.MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Dunno
38.LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?Dunno
39.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? What to Expect When You're Expecting and Your Pregnancy, Week by Week
40.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? optical mouse, don't need one
42.FAVORITE SOUNDS? Adam saying I love you
43.ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither
44.WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?California
45.DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT YOU ENJOY SHARING? I can touch my toungue IN my nose
46.WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Massena, New York
Monday, January 21, 2008
I will blog after next appointment. We got u/s pics today, but they are really crappy and you can't see much, so I'm not going to post them. I will email anyone who wants them!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
So our first official ultra sound was yesterday! We saw the sac and the yolk, it measured at about 5 weeks! Not as far along as we thought, but that’s ok, it’s in the correct place, it’s not in my tubes or floating around somewhere, it’s in my uterus. That was our number one fear. They are treating this just like a normal pregnancy now that my betas were good and my first ultra sound was perfect.
My pains have subsided somewhat, other than that, I am having wicked salty cravings. I need pickle juice. I know, I know, it’s really bad for me, but I’m drinking like 12 bottles of water a day. Lots of food is turning me off and my sense of smell is through the roof.
Our next ultra sound is on the 21st. We will be able to see the heartbeat and it will look sort of like a baby by then!
Adam and I consider ourselves so lucky. This is the miracle baby we have wanted. I can’t believe that today I canceled my initial consult with my new fertility specialist. We no longer need him. Wow, what a miracle. We are so grateful for this baby.
Here’s the good stuff!
Doesn't he/she look just like me?