Monday, September 17, 2007

I wish I could fly

And leave this place sometimes, I'm full of disappointment and regret. I came off my lupron thinking that maybe, just maybe this was our time to make a baby. Another BFN (Big Fat Negative) today. AF is around the corner lurking her ugly head, taunting me.
I ran into a friend at the bank today. She just had a baby...she is 2 months pregnant with another now. I really am happy for her because she is happy. But how can I be truly happy for someone if I have doubts if i can ever have a child myself.
Then I get an invite to a baby shower today. It's like the whole world knows the day I test.
I am now wondering if it was the smartest thing in the world to come off lupron therapy before I do IVF....I know that I shouldn't regret because at the time I thought it was a good idea.
I'm so ready to be a mom.
I didn't get the promotion I applied for because the girl who originally had the job took it back. I feel like I'm at a dead end there. I can't wait to get my degree and become a nurse. I know that I have a true calling to become a neonatal nurse and help premature babies, babies who are sick and need extra care, and their parents.
Something has to go right soon, something...

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