Wow, have I been bad about blogging!

I promise, I won't let this go so long again.

Lots of things have happened. Adam and I went to a fertility specialist last week to find out what are options are. She said since we haven't officially started trying yet, that we need to give it a go for at least a few months and then come in for IVF. She said we don't have a "pretty picture" painted for us with my blocked tube and 1/2 ovary on the other side. This fertility specialist didn't seem to know a whole heck of a lot about us which was kind of unsettling in itself. My ob/gyn called after to see how the meeting went and agreed with most of what the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) said to me. I kind of wish he was the fertility specialist because he knows more about me than her and seems to care a lot more, but oh well, she seemed alright.

I'm so scared for my cycles to start back up just because of the pain I remember being in before the lupron, but it's kind of bitter sweet because Adam and I can officially start trying!

We looked at a house today, a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in a nice neighboorhood. It was everything we wanted in a house, it was huge, and updated and perfect. But in the end, we decided to wait until our lease was up next June to seriously start looking. We don't have enough in savings in case something goes wrong, and we want to be really ready.

Well, I'm going to be a lot better about this from now on............I hope.

Christa

July 4th

I thought that I would take the time in this post to express why I feel lucky on this fourth of July. I feel that we are lucky as a country to be free, we can step out past our front yard (for the most part) and feel safe, unlike some 3rd world countries like Darfur where women are beaten and raped, where they can't vote and children are starving and don't have doctors to keep them healthy. Our country has clean water to drink and the vast majority of people have a place to stay and food on the table.

Thank you to all the families who are making sacrifices by having their family members overseas fighting for other countries' freedom. Thank you to all of those fighting. Even though I don't support the war effort, I support our troops.

I feel lucky personally because I have a loving husband who cares about me and is always there for me. I have a family down the road from me who I can visit anytime I want. I have a mother and father who care deeply about me and who are always there for me. I'm lucky because both my husband and I have job stability which means a roof over our heads and food on the table.

I feel most lucky today because I have the day off to spend with family!!!!

~Christa~

I don't know what I would do.......

I just watched a video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ. It made me cry. Well, almost everything makes me cry, but this was really sad. It was about couples who want to have babies and can't, it had real life cases and statistics.

It got me to thinking.....wonder if it never happens for us? What a depressing thought, I know, but I have to keep it in the back of my mind that I may never be able to have a child. 30-40% of endometriosis patients are infertile. What horrible odds!!!
What's next, adoption? Adam and I agreed that if we can't have kids, we probably wouldn't go the adoption route. We want a baby that has our genes, that has our blood and that I can carry for 9 months, experiencing the burdens and joys of being pregnant.

There are so many people who go out, get drunk, and have a one night stand and become pregnant......so it's really hard to think about people who want to have kids, have been trying cycle after cycle, using all the ovulation predictors and pregnancy tests, spending tons of cash on the best ones to make sure they are working.........and they can't get pregnant.

I know this is a depressing post, but I guess this is why I started this blog. To show people that endo is a REAL disease that affects so many lives, not with just the physical pain it causes, but the mental anguish.